A letter to Trump supporters (Ben Mallicote)

You voted for Trump because Clinton was going to be in Wall Street's pocket. Trump wants to repeal Dodd-Frank and eliminate the Fiduciary Rule, letting Wall Street return to its pre-2008 ways.

You voted for Trump because of Clinton's emails. The Trump administration is running its own private email server.

You voted for Trump because you thought the Clinton Foundation was "pay for play." Trump has refused to wall off his businesses from his administration, and personally profits from payments from foreign governments.

You voted for Trump because of Clinton's role in Benghazi. Trump ordered the Yemen raid without adequate intel, and tweeted about "FAKE NEWS" while Americans died as a result of his carelessness.

You voted for Trump because Clinton didn't care about "the little guy." Trump's cabinet is full of billionaires, and he took away your health insurance so he could give them a multi-million-dollar tax break.

You voted for Trump because he was going to build a wall and Mexico was going to pay for it. American consumers will pay for the wall via import tariffs.

You voted for Trump because Clinton was going to get us into a war. Trump has provoked our enemies, alienated our allies, and given ISIS a decade's worth of recruiting material.

You voted for Trump because Clinton didn't have the stamina to do the job. Trump hung up on the Australian Prime Minister during a 5pm phone call because "it was at the end of a long day and he was tired and fatigue was setting in."

You voted for Trump because foreign leaders wouldn't "respect" Clinton. Foreign leaders, both friendly and hostile, are openly mocking Trump.

You voted for Trump because Clinton lies and "he tells it like it is." Trump and his administration lie with a regularity and brazenness that can only be described as shocking.

Let's be honest about what really happened.

The reality is that you voted for Trump because you got conned. Trump is a grifter and the American people were the mark. Now that you know the score, quit insisting the con-man is on your side.
 
Ben Mallicote

Trump redesigns the American flag

Oh say can you see by the glow of Trump's tan....

From the desk of the Greatest American President ever! (suck it Reagan):

Today, I give you the greatest flag in the world. It is a flag worthy of our great country, and symbolizes everything that makes America great. I designed this flag, especially for you America, because I am the best at designing flags. There is no one else in the world better at creating flags. I am the best at creating flags. And we needed a new one because the old one was designed by that fat cow, Betsy Ross, and it was a loser flag. This is a winner flag. The green stripes represent money because if you do not have money, you are not a winner. And we have so much money as a nation that we are winners. We are so winning, and have so much money, that we are tired of winning and having so much money. But what can you do? You can't give your money to poor people because they are losers, and you know that they are losers because they have no money. The black stripes represent black gold, which is better than gold gold, except for the golden signs that now decorate all the national monuments. As Americans, we send our troops everywhere to protect the precious black gold. We are so protective of black gold that we even use nukes to protect the black gold from the poor in other countries, and you know that they are losers because we nuked them to protect the black gold for the winners who have loads of black gold. The winners have so much black gold that they do not know what to do with it. And what can they do? They move here and they bring their black gold to us, and we win again. I am so sick and tired of all this winning that we are doing. And there are fifty stars that represent the fifty noble hatreds that makes America great. You know the fifty: hate those Mexican rapists and drugs, and Rosie McDonnell, and journalists, and lying Hillary, and crazy Bernie, and weak Jeb, and those militant Muslims, and Isis, I know so much about Isis, I know more about Isis than the CIA, the NSA, and all the generals in the military, and we hate them so much that we will nuke them wherever they are, if they come to New York, we will nuke New York. And the other fifty noble hatreds that Jesus trust us, and that the Supreme Court and Congress agree should be in the Constitution because I told them that they should be in the Constitution, and I am the greatest at the Constitution, I know exactly what should be in the Constitution. This flag is in the Constitution, you can look it up, along with every man, woman, and child having a gun, except for Muslims, and blacks, and the blacks are ok with it because I get along great with the blacks, the blacks love me, and the Mexicans, the Mexicans can't have guns because they are murderers and rapists. Oh, there are some good Mexicans, and they love this flag. I get along great with the American flag loving Mexicans, they love me. And there is a field of orange to remind us that our great nation, the most winning nation in the world, is founded on a great religion, a religion that I am great in, and in Cheeto-Jesus we trust---that and money and black oil. America--we are great again!!!

President-for-Life Donald Cheeto-Jesus Trump

Donald Trump--the cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon---the only candidate worse than Cthulhu and Killer Asteroid.

[Don't like the idea of a Trump Presidency? Join us on July 4th (worldwide) to bind and hex the cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon. Or better yet, vote for the other party!]

Cthulhu Dagon 2016

Yes, I am still a Bernie supporter. Yes, I am still a nasty unwashed hippy. Yes, I know the truth of the numbers. Yes, I still want some of my concerns to actually make it onto the party platform. Yes, I still believe that both Trump and Hillary are both demonic. Yes, I still believe that we are better off voting for the lesser evil once we have absolutely no choice. And that is why I am going to vote for Cthulhu/Dagon in November.

Cthulhu/Dagon 2016---because Killer Asteroid is not running.

How Trump can become President

Here is how Trump becomes President: 51% of the population embraces his special hatred of those they also hate while ignoring the fact that Trump also hates the 51% of the population voting for him.

How about actually washing some dirty dishes?

Paul Ryan pretending to work in a soup kitchen.

As many of my readers know, I spent twenty years in the restaurant business--much of that time was spent washing dishes. Not pretending to wash dishes, like Paul Ryan did in a recent photo op.

Now, I realize that politicians pretend to care for the less fortunate, and to be regular joes who understand your pain, all the time. The Democrats are as guilty of the Republicans are--they are not regular joes; they are not our co-workers and drinking buddies.

Still, pretending to wash dishes? And then claiming that it was to draw attention to the work that a soup kitchen does. Really? You expect us to believe that you were trying to help out?

The Romney/Ryan ticket are really annoying me as a former restaurant employee and manager. First the Romney campaign gets upset at one restaurant owner for not allowing them to eat there, with the result being that death threats were made to the owner of the restaurant (just because someone shares your religion does not mean that they want to be seen endorsing you). And now, Ryan is annoying people by pretending to wash dishes.

Tell you what. Come to my house and wash some actual dirty dishes. Or the house of any random American. There are a ton of dirty dishes to be washed in this county. In fact, we will allow you to take before and after pictures. But do not tell us how this proves that you are just like us, and have our best interests at heart. We know better because we know that you never have to clean up after yourselves ever--you hire people like us to wash your dirty dishes. And we know that you do not actually go drinking with your help, or even care about them.

Yes, I am a happy cynic. A happy cynic who actually washes actual dirty dishes. For some reason, that makes me believe that I am more of a regular joe than Paul Ryan is.

The Wisdom of Michele Bachmann

The monkey god approves of the music behind the words of Michelle Bachmann.

Thulhu the thing on Trumps Head for President in 2012

Ok, I realize that Donald Trump decided not to run, but this was just too good of an idea to toss into the "too late to do" waste basket. The idea for this piece of artwork came to me on Facebook a few weeks ago (about a week before Trump decided that he would rather remain out of the Presidential race) when a friend posted something about the man (I think it was Trump questioning how Obama got into the college he did)---my response was that I would rather vote for the thing on Trump's head than the man himself. And as I hit post, this image popped into my head. It is kinda slimy, like something that H.P. Lovecraft might have included in his Cthulhu fiction. I used a section of this art in part of the on-going series of Magic the Gathering NOT joke cards that I am posting on my Gleamings from the Golden Dawn blog. Now, don't get me wrong: I like Trump the business man (or at least I admire part of his skill set), but I would rather not vote for him to be the leader of the Free World (he might sell it to the highest bidder---himself).