Monday, June 27, 2016

Trump redesigns the American flag

Oh say can you see by the glow of Trump's tan....
From the desk of the Greatest American President ever! (suck it Reagan):

Today, I give you the greatest flag in the world. It is a flag worthy of our great country, and symbolizes everything that makes America great. I designed this flag, especially for you America, because I am the best at designing flags. There is no one else in the world better at creating flags. I am the best at creating flags. And we needed a new one because the old one was designed by that fat cow, Betsy Ross, and it was a loser flag. This is a winner flag. The green stripes represent money because if you do not have money, you are not a winner. And we have so much money as a nation that we are winners. We are so winning, and have so much money, that we are tired of winning and having so much money. But what can you do? You can't give your money to poor people because they are losers, and you know that they are losers because they have no money. The black stripes represent black gold, which is better than gold gold, except for the golden signs that now decorate all the national monuments. As Americans, we send our troops everywhere to protect the precious black gold. We are so protective of black gold that we even use nukes to protect the black gold from the poor in other countries, and you know that they are losers because we nuked them to protect the black gold for the winners who have loads of black gold. The winners have so much black gold that they do not know what to do with it. And what can they do? They move here and they bring their black gold to us, and we win again. I am so sick and tired of all this winning that we are doing. And there are fifty stars that represent the fifty noble hatreds that makes America great. You know the fifty: hate those Mexican rapists and drugs, and Rosie McDonnell, and journalists, and lying Hillary, and crazy Bernie, and weak Jeb, and those militant Muslims, and Isis, I know so much about Isis, I know more about Isis than the CIA, the NSA, and all the generals in the military, and we hate them so much that we will nuke them wherever they are, if they come to New York, we will nuke New York. And the other fifty noble hatreds that Jesus trust us, and that the Supreme Court and Congress agree should be in the Constitution because I told them that they should be in the Constitution, and I am the greatest at the Constitution, I know exactly what should be in the Constitution. This flag is in the Constitution, you can look it up, along with every man, woman, and child having a gun, except for Muslims, and blacks, and the blacks are ok with it because I get along great with the blacks, the blacks love me, and the Mexicans, the Mexicans can't have guns because they are murderers and rapists. Oh, there are some good Mexicans, and they love this flag. I get along great with the American flag loving Mexicans, they love me. And there is a field of orange to remind us that our great nation, the most winning nation in the world, is founded on a great religion, a religion that I am great in, and in Cheeto-Jesus we trust---that and money and black oil. America--we are great again!!!

President-for-Life Donald Cheeto-Jesus Trump

Donald Trump--the cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon---the only candidate worse than Cthulhu and Killer Asteroid.

[Don't like the idea of a Trump Presidency? Join us on July 4th (worldwide) to bind and hex the cheeto-faced, ferret wearing shitgibbon. Or better yet, vote for the other party!]

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Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Cthulhu Dagon 2016

Yes, I am still a Bernie supporter. Yes, I am still a nasty unwashed hippy. Yes, I know the truth of the numbers. Yes, I still want some of my concerns to actually make it onto the party platform. Yes, I still believe that both Trump and Hillary are both demonic. Yes, I still believe that we are better off voting for the lesser evil once we have absolutely no choice. And that is why I am going to vote for Cthulhu/Dagon in November.

Cthulhu/Dagon 2016---because Killer Asteroid is not running.