Free for today only

Shakespeare's Monkey

Today (well technically until Friday September 14, 2012), you can get a free copy of my ebook Shakespeare's Monkey when you enter coupon code EX49A at the checkout. Why free today? Well, one of the stories contained in this volume was based on 9/11--apologizes to the dozen people that I blended together to create the characters (it was creative license)--and today is as good of a day to share that piece of fiction as any other.

Why I am glad that I do not work at Chick-fil-A

Maybe I should quit feeding the cats Chick-fil-A.

As some of my readers may know, I spent twenty years working in food service before graduating from college and becoming a full-time writer and general publishing jack-of-all-trades. Because of this, I have thoughts about the whole Chick-fil-A mess.

The first of which is that if I was still attending the University of Colorado on the Denver campus, and still going to classes in the North classroom, I would probably still be eating Chick-fil-A...merely because it would be a matter of convenience and because I know who is going to be hurt most by the protests.

The people who are going to get hurt most by the protests are the lowest paid employees. It is not going to be the managers and executives who suffer; it is going to be the poor people who make the food and serve the customers. I was a mamanger of a fast food restaurant, and I know exactly what happens when sales go down--you cut the hours of your employees to save on labor costs. Therefore, I am not sure if I would be completely comfortable protesting and boycotting the local Chick-fil-A.

The second thing I know is once you toss the convenience of a certain location (which employs college students) out the window is that I am not eating Chick-fil-A. Recently I had a couple of opportunities to eat at Chick-fil-A...and I didn't. Now, I am only one person, but I am sure that I am not alone.

But here is the deal: while I ate at other places, I do not know the political opinions of the owners of the places that I chose to eat at instead. For all I know, I may have been eating at a place ran by a bigger menace. Do you know the political opinion of the people who own the restaurant you eat the most at? It is not like it is generally known by your average customer.

The third thing I know is that I would be fired by Chick-fil-A if I worked for them. I am a supporter of gay marriage. I do not believe that gay people are the biggest hazard to marriage. Furthermore, I had a gay roommate for several years, and I had gay neighbors the entire time I have been living in Denver. Gay people are just a natural part of the world, and they deserve the same economic and emotionally benefits that straight people are entitled to. And yes, I would be vocal about my support of gay rights...therefore, I would be rapidly fired.

And the final thing I know is that the owner of Chick-fil-A is a fool. It is one thing to be a bigot, and proud of it. But it is another thing to let your customers learn that you are a bigot. It is bad business practice to let your customers know that you are a bigot. Anything that a corporation would fire a manager or executive over should not be openly done by the owner. And trust me if a store manager would have been outed as a bigot, and the owner was a closet bigot, the manager would have been fired in a heartbeat to soothe the rage of the customers, despite the fact that the owner was a closet bigot. The only reason that Chick-fil-A still has a problem is that it is the owner and not one of the employees.

QoD Jason Alexander on the purpose of an AR-15

Jason Alexander doing a TwitLonger on the Aurora theatre shooting:

What purpose does an AR-15 serve to a sportsman that a more standard hunting rifle does not serve? Let's see - does it fire more rounds without reload? Yes. Does it fire farther and more accurately? Yes. Does it accommodate a more lethal payload? Yes. So basically, the purpose of an assault style weapon is to kill more stuff, more fully, faster and from further away. To achieve maximum lethality.

Tea Party (Zealot's Dictionary)

Tea Party: The most rational part of the Republican Party. The Tea Party knows that Founding Fathers wanted only preachers of the correct faith to be politicians and bankers to be in control of the economy. The Tea Party knows that the rich really care about the poor and would never abuse their political position to increase their own wealth at the expense of the poor. Their views that the poor are lazy, and that immigration and witchcraft are the sources of all evil are absolutely correct. Their section of the Republican Party is named after a sex act that elevates their sexual partners to the most sublime and spiritual potential possible. The Tea Party has voted to ban the development of time machines, abolish the study of history and mathematics, and to allow an asteroid to crash into the Earth; after all, they already have their first class ticket to heaven where the rich will definitely not use them for riding around on.

[All the Zealot's Dictionary definitions are available in a single ebook on Smashwords--just 99 cents. Remember if you buy it on Smashwords, you get access to all future expansions...because we know that new definitions are sure to happen simply because of human nature.]

Cost of textbooks and iPads in classrooms

Here is an interesting chart comparing the cost of using textbooks in classrooms versus using iPads. Bottom line: it is still cheaper to use textbooks.
Created by: OnlineTeachingDegree.com

Beware of the Burger Police

Here something that I find amusing, a Florida man was arrested for joking with a Burger King employee that he wanted to buy a "blunt and some herbs" while sitting in a car that smelled of marijuana. The employee jotted down the license number of the car, and his manager passed it onto the cops. The cops found 28 grams of marijuana in the man's car.

Now, the part that I find amusing is that I used to work at a Burger King. If we reported everyone that was drunk, high, and/or crazy, we won't have had any customers...well, almost none. Of course, we were across the street from the college and down the street from a bar. And let's be honest, most of the employees knew what marijuana smoke smelled like because they, themselves were guilty of smoking it or had a friend who did.

(It might amuse you to note that I was guilty of writing stories at the sandwich station---each of us have our own vices, and mine involve gallons of ink and thousand of pages of badly written prose. My smoking and drinking were minor infractions in comparsion to the amount of writing I did on company time.)

There is more to this story than what we heard. I am betting that the customer was really an a** and the employee so wanted to put him in his place. It is personal theory based on my own Burger King job experience---none of us were the Burger Police. Then again, maybe Burger King employees in Florida are more upright citizens than the ones in Colorado.

Gas Mask for Christmas

I decided that I want a gas mask for Christmas. Correction---I need a gas mask for Christmas.

First, we had the police spraying down the protesters with pepper spray. It was only a matter of time before it got out of hand. But I wasn't terribly worried---I have been too busy to go near the protests.

Of course, I didn't realize that the next step in the pepper spray assaults would be against Christmas shoppers. By a Christmas shopper.

Last night, a woman decided to spray down her competition with pepper spray as she tried to get a discounted Xbox. That brings Black Friday mania to a whole new level. So to get a jump on my competition, I would like Santa Claus to give me a gas mask, some tear gas, and maybe a tactical nuke to use against my fellow Christmas shoppers next year. I promise to only use them for good---such as getting the best toys before orphans see them, things like that.

File this story under Only in America.

British Army General Service Gas Mask